if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
