actually, I'm a sock model
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
