Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
