It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
