If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
