I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
