I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize