Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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