well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
