wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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