I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
