Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
did i just pee glitter
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
