I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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