swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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