So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
whose ass print is on the piano?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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