P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
