I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
