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Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
