just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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