She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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