So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
