Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
