Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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