There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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