a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
