what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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