I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
