I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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