So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
