I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
