The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
