Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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