Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
