I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
