thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
