omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
