Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
