No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
