And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
