I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
