in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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