Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
