i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
