You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
