Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
