Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
