I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
