Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
