Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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