i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
