That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
